Can an unhealthy economy impact the welfare
of a marriage? Yes.
Marriages require hard work, constant compassion, endless empathy and continual
compromise and acceptance. When the marriage starts to lose the solidity
of its foundation from internal and external stressors, each person's
"work" to keep the marriage together becomes even more “draining” and
the marriage becomes more of a “burden” than a “joy” in your life.When the full effects of the financial
burdens start impacting the marriage’s emotional stability, the marriage starts
to crumble.Let me ask you:What is being "added" to the
marriage to keep it from crumbling under the stress?A marriage cannot survive if
its vital reserves of love, friendship, respect and caring become depleted, and then it is filled with an abundance of blame, criticism, resentment, and retaliatory
behaviors.
As a Counselor, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, Guided Imagery Specialist and Domestic Violence Counselor
working in Irvine
and Newport Beach,
I am now beginning to see the effects of the downturn in the economy on
marriages -- and it's not pretty. Where there existed complete trust and
fidelity, now doubts and blurred boundaries in the marriage exist. Where
there existed common goals and teamwork, there now exists isolation and
confusion. Where there existed hope and love, there now exists
resentment and feelings of complacency. There is less tolerance, more
arguing, less hope and more doubt, more "fear" and less
"faith", and the foundation of many marriages is weakening.
These are tough times to be sure. Prices are high for everything, quality
time is shortened because the need to work hard to pay the bills comes first,
nights out for entertainment are scarce, the price tag for your child to be
involved in school activities increases, and the emotional, physical and
financial burdens pile up. It seems as though your strength to
"fight another battle" is gone and the word "divorce" starts to be
used in the conversations. . . .and the hostility continues to escalate.
Before you take the first step to begin a divorce proceeding, please take the
time and energy to seek help through marriage counseling or group
therapy. I know it may sound trite, but remember "this is a moment
in time" in your marriage, and does not have to be an indicator of the future success of your marriage. Your marriage was built on love, trust and unconditional
respect for each other.If the hardships
caused by the economy are eating away at the strength of your marriage, allow
yourself the freedom to remember those positive elements of your marriage –
they are still there, just buried under the weight of overwhelming emotions and
fears.
I hope this short version of the effects of
an unhealthy economy on a marriage causes each person who reads this to stop
and take a second, or third, or fourth view of how to restore the marriage.
May you be blessed with the wisdom to know when help is needed and the humility to then seek it.
Twice a year, for ten years, two friends and I have met for our marathon golf weekend. This year I traveled from Southern California to Seattle for eight rounds of golf in three days. Even though both friends’ indexes are at least 10-12 strokes lower than mine, they always delight in their mind games on the course to “maximize their winnings”. Normally I have always reached for my wallet to pay–until TGIFH and this year’s outing. By the end of day one, and in heavy rains and wind, and for the first time, I was in the money. By the end of day two, after shooting my second and third best score ever, along with winning most of the side bets, the guy that normally wins had walked off the course in frustration while claiming that I had sandbagged him. At the start of day three, and on their home course and 40 degree rainy weather, I had to agree to play them straight up, or else betting would be suspended. By the end of the day it was a push. No money changed hands – none. After three days of golf, my eight game stroke aggregate was 112 strokes better than any of our other weekends. Not only did guided imagery help me to fend off the mind games from my “friendly” competitors, but it also helped me to quiet some of the demons in my own mental game so that I could post some remarkable scores. It is amazing how easy it is to dial in a game when your tension meter hovers near zero.
