Trilogy Guided Imagery For Healing, Inc.

This page is for adults who have a difficult/hurtful relationship with their parents. 

            As mammals we are born with painfully few instincts/behaviors.  We instinctively know to cry and suckle – that’s about it.  Everything else has to be learned.  How we act is learned.  How we relate to friends, family, spouse, children is all learned and emulated/copied. 

Did your parents have a happy or tumultuous marriage – how is yours?  Did your parents yell when stressed – how about you?  When angry or stressed did your parents withdraw into stony silence, or punish by cutting off love or attention to you?  Did your parents make up rules which made no sense, or punish without warning?  So, how about you?  These are all learned behaviors.  Good news – learned behaviors can be unlearned.

Does any of this sound familiar?

1.     I never know what to expect from my parents:  They are inconsistent, unpredictable and overly intense in their reactions to things.  Their rules and expectations are vague, nonexistent, unreasonable, rigid and unpredictable.

2.     I don’t trust my parents:  I never know what is real or made up by my parents, and if I question the validity of a comment I am rejected, abandoned, punished or vilified by them.

3.     My parents say the things I remember didn’t happen.  My parents constantly confuse me, never recognize and/or apologize for their inappropriate behavior, and envy, ignore or demean anything I may accomplish.

4.     My parents make me feel terrible.  When I can’t satisfy my parents’ needs or wished they shame, punish, degrade or vilify me.  I have learned to shut down my emotions, and now find it difficult to feel anything – anger, sadness, or pleasure.

5.     Everyone thinks my parents are great people.

6.     My parents have an all or nothing attitude about everything.

7.     My parents are so negative.

8.     My parents flip out.  I am afraid of my parents because their moods are so intense and unpredictable.

9.     Sometimes I just can’t stand my parents.

10.           My parents drive me crazy. 

So, do you or your mother have any of these personality traits?  Take our quiz and find out.

1.     Do you or your mother ever think or say:

a.     Life is too hard

b.     Life is too dangerous

c.      Life is all about me

d.     Life is war

2.     Do you or your mother ever feel:

a.     Helpless to achieve your goals

b.     Unsafe almost everywhere

c.      Deprived, empty

d.     Like you want revenge

3.     Do you or your mother ever:

a.     Seek help or sympathy from others

b.     Seek protection from others

c.      Demand obedience or compliance from others

d.     Demand complete submission from others

4.     Do you or your mother often:

a.     Lose or destroy things of value

b.     Separate yourself from others so that you are not bothered by them

c.      Demand to be seen/noticed by wearing bright clothing, speaking very loudly, or behaving outrageously

d.     Accuse others of being bitter, demanding, sarcastic, cruel, jealous

5.     In your heart do you feel:

a.     Helplessness, sad and lonely

b.     Frightened

c.      Empty

d.     Rage or blackness

6.     Do you or your mother:

a.     Always expect the worst outcome

b.     Trust fear more than you trust any one person

c.      Always want more

d.     Need to be in control

7.     As a child:

a.     Were your parents oppressive, requiring that you be overly submissive to them

b.     Were you robbed or violated in some way

c.      Were you ignored by all the adults in your life

d.     Were your parents or caregiver hostile or even sadistic to you

8.     Does:

a.     Sadness feel safer than hope

b.     Solitude feel safe

c.      Your health suffer – do you have migraines, muscle spasms, ulcers, colitis, fibromyalgia

d.     Vulnerability and trusting others terrify you

9.     Were any of these messages implied or spoken from your Dad or Husband:

a.     Wishing helps

b.     Be grateful that anyone loves you

c.      It’s everyone else’s fault

d.     Mother knows best

10.                        A.        Do you suffer with anxiety, depression, guilt, or have trouble     experiencing pleasure in any activity

B.        Do you feel like you can’t win no matter how hard you try

C.        Do you feel like you have no control in your life – you have trouble keeping a job, others treat you like you’re unreliable, inconsistent and not responsible.

Please know that there is help for any or all of the issues described here.  Linda and Mickey are specialists in these areas.  We do not judge, criticize, condemn or demand anything.  You are not crazy.  You don’t have to live one more day confused, scared, worried or in pain.  Help is only a phone call away.  Please call us.